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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27750901">Beating Heart</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/secondperson/pseuds/secondperson'>secondperson</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Other, codependent friendship, with a hint of tinhatting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:41:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>982</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27750901</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/secondperson/pseuds/secondperson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Self-indulgent musings on how much of the barn and bridge scenes was Sam and Dean, and how much was Jared and Jensen. Features their beautifully codependent friendship with a hint of tinhatting.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jensen Ackles &amp; Jared Padalecki</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Beating Heart</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Dean says, "It's good. It's good. We had one hell of a ride, man," and smiles calmly, gently at Sam…</p><p>How much of that was Jensen reaching out to Jared, because he knows his boy is heartbroken to have to say goodbye to Sam <em>and </em>Dean and the show and their 15-year-old bubble, in spite of the deteriorating writing and ill will towards his boy, in spite of the decision he and Jared came to together?</p><p>When Dean reaches out to place a hand on the side of Sam's graceful neck, saying, "Let me look at you," then looks up (used to looking up by now, his Sammy's been taller than him since before his baby brother turned 14) and just drinks Sam in, and, smiling from the bottom of his heart, breathes, "Yeah, there he is," then visibly marshals every last ounce of energy he's got to say in a stronger, more assertive voice, no smile because this is absolutely serious, "I'm so proud of you, Sam"…</p><p>How much of that was Jensen soaking up the penultimate scene they have together, the first scene in forever with no ever-expanding circus of sidekicks and new characters and pandering plots that tried and failed to dilute the heart of the real story, the story that <em>made </em>his and Jared's show, that got them a second season and a third and a fourth, that had the showrunners, directors, writers, <em>everyone </em>rave about the once-in-a-lifetime chemistry between him and Jared?</p><p>When Dean says, "I've always looked up to you"...</p><p>How much of that was Jensen, recalling the dark, tall, beautiful 22-year-old he'd <em>immediately</em> clicked with, how he'd taken Jensen's breath away with every new layer each day revealed, how the silken curls hid an electrifyingly intelligent brain and wisdom far greater than 22 years on this earth could explain, how the slender long model body carried more courage and sincerity and <em>goodness</em> than anyone Jensen had ever met before, and anyone Jensen has met ever since.</p><p>When Dean says, "And you're stronger than me. You always have been"...</p><p>How much of that was Jensen, unmoored, unraveling, and looking up to Jared, because Jensen doesn't know how he's supposed to handle the long bleak stretches ahead, weeks and <em>weeks </em>after years of having Jared next to him in Vancouver and in Austin, unbroken contact that became the only thing that made sense, enough to make Jensen mark those grim days in Italy with a spectacular show of support the following year, and if a few days had proved too much, how on earth was Jensen going to twist the coming lifetime of days without Jared into a new regular that makes sense?</p><p>When Dean says, "I was so scared. Because when it all came down to it, it was always you and me"...</p><p>How much of that was Jensen, thinking back on how an audition turned into him gushing to a friend about the pretty fellow Texan Jensen wanted to know everything about even though he felt he'd known him forever, how a gig in a cold city in a foreign country turned into home and having each other's backs, how being together day and night working in Canada turned into being together day and night building a life in sunny Austin, how work turned into best friends turned into a partnership with the only person on earth who understood Jensen down to his bones and a love that only came once in a lifetime?</p><p>When Sam says, "D-don't... leave me. I can't do this alone"...</p><p>How much of that was Jared's own fear rearing its head for a fraction of a second, because even though he and Jensen thought long and hard before making this decision, even though Jared knows it's the right decision for the beautiful story they've worked to tell and the toxic environment he no longer wants to have to deal with, it still breaks his heart to say goodbye?</p><p>When Dean replies, stoic and matter-of-fact and with unwavering faith in his brother, "Yes, you can"…</p><p>How much of that was Jensen silencing his own misgivings and fears of no more of Jared's incredible energy to feed off, because no one can ever match the chemistry he and his boy have together, pushing it all down and reminding Jared that he will not only make it out of their regular bubble but also thrive and breathe unforgettable life into lines on paper and knock the breath out of everyone working with him and fit just perfectly in a brand-new bubble.</p><p>When Dean says, "You <em>always </em>keep fighting. You hear me?"</p><p>How much of that was Jensen, remembering all those years ago when he held a broken boy in his arms, stunned to his core to find that the bubbly puppy energy that lifted everyone's spirits and lit up any room his boy walked into came with pain no one even <em>knew</em> existed, recalling his own anguish at discovering that his smart, eloquent, kind boy was fated to fight relentless demons every single day, watching his boy's fierce determination to get help, his rare courage to be as vocal as he could about getting help, his insistence to fellow sufferers that they were conquerors, not sufferers?</p><p>And when Dean wraps a hand around Sam's shoulder after they meet again in heaven and keeps glancing at Sam and doesn't remove his hand while the camera pans away…</p><p>How much of that was Jensen, choking on a hot bittersweet snarl of emotions, letting the good feelings rise above everything else until he's beside himself with fierce pride and joy in his boy and their work and the story that brought them together and gave him the best ride of his life and the best partner on this earth, even as he and his boy lay the beating heart of their story down to rest.</p>
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